Collector
I’m a collector
Thoughts, dreams, plans, valuables, good and bad situations
boxes full of other peoples expectations
Yeah I’m a collector
I’ve been so concerned with keeping up, that I
had to keep everything else just to make sure I didn’t forget
what the hell I had to begin with.
Funny thing is I didn’t keep anything that was worth anything
That seems like too much of a coincidence for me.
What was I hoping for that these invaluable items
Would miraculously transform into something worth something
I guess this is representative of a prevailing mentality that says
“All my useless ideas and traits will be revered someday”
Never really coming to terms with true reality that I should be shining and protecting the few things I have that are worth something
Like my old man said that’s the “formula for non success”
So is the collector not really a collector just a fool who
Can’t throw anything out
Can’t extricate himself from the confusion of what is valuable and what is garbage
And most tragically occludes the beauty of the special things with the refuse surrounding it.
And so for you collectors I submit this caveat
Keep on collecting, keep on dreaming that your Lost in Space lunchbox will someday put that new wing on your house.
Or that your dads prize loufa sponge will bring a lofty price when Antiques Roadshow comes to your town.
As far as people collecting animate objects, well here my friends we have a real problem!
You know that lady on the news with the 67 cats in a 4 room apartment whose neighbors only noticed when the smell became unbearable.
Then there is what I call the “full house scenario”. These are the people who have young children but can’t help taking in stray squirrels, abused ferrets, blind rabbits, and anything with fleas. The kids are eating hot dogs and Doritos while the animals are eating special formula Iams pet foods at thirty dollars a bag.
Joey’s rule of thumb #1
Don’t collect animals!
Anything over 4 animals, you’d better be a friggin’ farmer!
Now onto more frightening scenarios.
The Mia Farrow syndrome, “now let me see I already have a Korean girl, an afro-american boy and nine or ten other varieties but I must have those Serbian twin brothers with the matching birth defects”
This is very disturbing………
Its like a new game show “Celebrity Adoption Oddities”
They compete to see who can collect the most (one prize for shear numbers) and “most collectable” (hairlips,club feet etc)
Also in the animate collectables we have the most common human collector trait it’s the “dysfunctional people collectors’ And this is my favorite as they are so plentiful. You know this type or you might even be one yourself. This is where a basically functional person collects all these dysfunctional types around them to “help them”
Oh this is a great one as it makes the dim bulb feel like a halogen search light.
They dole out all the “great advice” to these perfect human specimens of damaged goods. Helping them not, and blocking themselves from ever moving ahead by a centimeter. Because God forbid they would take time away from their “projects” to improve themselves. Oh no that would actually take some strength and courage.
BTW stuff on QVC will never be worth a plug nickel! Buy it and throw it right out because all you were really looking for was the exileration of buying it
Look here, want to collect something. Do what our grandparents did.
Collect stamps, coins, baseball cards, numbered whatevers.
But be focused because you’re giving collecting a bad name.
Now…………….wanna see my Beatles bobble head dolls?!